Mad

The title refers to the song that i've been re-obsessed with lately. Neyo- Mad. Seriously back in the days when you listen to songs either they sound good or they dont. No questions about what they're about. Dont get me wrong, its still prettymuch like that for me nowadays, when theres a catchy tune, it just draws you in and you cant help but realise the lyrics.

Enough of that but Mad also relates to my emotions today, towards the end of the day. It was quite a nice day, light study, attended all lectures (how much absorbed is a diff answer), nice weather, more study, pancakes dinner. Then it was the moment of heading home that I encountered something that really set me off. A Loud splatter as a Hungry Jacks cup flies one direction, the lid in the other and coke filled the hallway. I didnt take much note of it, thinking it was just some drunk hungry kid and was instead interested in someone playing some sort of instrument (cant rememeber now) - buskers. But then I walked past a girl holding a bag of hungry jacks and realised, the intensity of the issue. No it wasnt a drunk kid. No it wasnt a hungry Kid. Excuse me for calling them kids they were probably between 16-19 but really it was so bad. The girl seemed angry, as the guy stormed up infront, disregarding the girl.

I was with friends, so i didnt realy do much except glance back to see the timid looking girl, just silently walking, as if her thoughts just trailed. The guy did not look back. But then we had to run for our train only to've missed it. Friend got on hers, I waited for mine. I couldnt help but glance up the stairs, to only realise that it was the same couple. They were hugging, as if trying to cover the tears falling down the girl's face. He looked sorry. Apologetic or maybe just embarrassed that he'd made a girl cry. He held on tight- damn right he should. But the girl, she was giving in. Perhaps love really does mean alot.

I got on my train. To only find they were getting on the same train. I could tell he was trying. Trying to gain forgiveness. 'Baby, babyy. Im sorry'. She wasnt bying it. I could tell both were crying, the guy making alot more drama out of it but hahas dont get me wrong. I wasnt trying to pry but they were jsut sitting right infront so it was kind of hard not to. And despite me trying to study (notes pulled out and all), just the whole situo got on my nerves. All seemed fine, til the girl got up and walked off to sit by herself at the top. I waited. For the guy to follow except he didnt. I turned around, at him to see him munching hungrily at the HJ burger, and all that went through my mind was..WHAT THE FUCK?

He looked back to see if she was going to come back, continuing to eat. When it was finally established that she wasnt, he barged up. And began demanding for answers. all that could be heard by everyone on the carriage was 'FUCK. FUCK THIS. WHAT THE FUCK'. He shed a few tears, wiping them vigorously with his arm- like what all guys do. That was when I got annoyed. ahahs. Respect bro. No respect given, no respect gained. He just blew at his 'girlfriend', when she knew he needed space, and gave him space. So yeah.... I dont know what happened after, lost interest. I know everyone deserves a second chance but for one night, to have walked away, to have blown, to have humiliated not only the girl but himself as well, what kind of respect do you expect kiddo?

True story.
Im tired..... you know i believe everyone deserves a second chance. but when its given and you dont acknowledge it, thats when it sucks. ahahs. Life's complicated. Shit happens. Maybe we're just tired. We blow. we give in. we give up.

Mental

Im going. Never felt like this. the emotions jsut keep flowing in. It ain't stopping. Staring at the load on my desk

Phys Report collaboration- havent started
Phys Report edit - havent started
Referencing- havent started
Abstract - havent started
Lab book - no progress

When are they due? Tomorrow.
I cant think. I cant breathe. And whats on my other side? Phone.

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You left me hanging again. Except this time, it really will be an all nighter. That is all. For all those who've waited for a text that will never come, I feel yo pain. I do. Its pathetic because even now, letting all this out, its still the same. What is this fuckery? Karma bitch. Served cold.

One thing,

It hurts me as well. That's all.

Keep it going :)

Thats another one down. I have no idea how i went but no point worrying about that.
So the other day, someone asked, 'whats going on...?'

Which i replied with... 'i...dont ...know.'

Because truthfully, thats how it feels. Despite the wrongness in doing so, I cant help that even the world is setting this as a priority for me at the moments, with all the shitload thats been chucked on us. But its soon over and I dont know if its a good or bad thing.

Touche to a mystery friend telling me ...'Life's a rollercoaster.' Because without these twists, turns and falls at times, we wouldnt be expecting for more. IT'D BE BORING and i think we all know i cant deal with boring. I thought i was getting somewhere with this but I guess not, and hahas there goes my grammar again. sasadfghjkl;'

Ps, nets been playing up. But lets hope its better for good now.

xx SF

(8) Im at a payphonee, trying to call home
all my of spare change, that i spent on you (8)

I feel oblivious to it all at the moment, shutting everything out with uni work.. and music.
Why waste the moment when it can be spent with a smile and no fears?

Lifes good.

xx dont get sick.

Stop, Revive. Survive.

Not cars. but life lately.

Its come too far. that theres no turning back. Words hurt. Truth hurts more.
It aint fair on anyone becausee its my fault. My mistake.
My problems.
Only I can deal with them and only I can choose whats next.
Someones going to get hurt either way.
Insensitive, i am.